I’ve tried to assess myself why I’m feeling so bizarre and weird lately. I’ve tried to decipher why I needed to be that mean and truthful with a jerk. I never wanted to reminisce and feel the feeling I’ve had before. From that they on – the day he never tried to pursue me rather he ran away and find someone else who can just fill the emptiness I left. And I was disappointed for he never tried to make things right and unbend all the crooked strings. He was like a child who never settled for something worthy, a child who never had the contentment and satisfaction, a child who wanted to have something else when he got tired from his old toy.
Oh well!! It’s not good to admit but I’ve enjoyed jabbering with him even for a short while. I love it when we are talking like crazy, conversing like tigers and lastly chatting like dog and cat.
I’ve always wanted him to know that he is very well welcome, that he has a particular place in my heart. I think I’m this stupid to hope for something he never planned to convey from the very beginning. I hope so much, I hoped more than just hope. This is the third time I’m aching for his attention but he never realized how I badly wanted to be beside him. Eww! very dramatic!!
I don’t intend to make a trail of the attitude he has but I guess he’s acting as if he is this damn gorgeous that women will drool out and swoon over him. Nah! yes he has a very good looking outside appearance but would physical aspect will truly satisfy a woman’s heart? of course not.
Seemingly assessing him – I knew from the very beginning that he has something to flaunt and boast at. Aside from a pleasing appearance, he also belong to a good family background, he is an educated person. But he also has something unpleasant that would make girls turned off of him. I’ve known him for a short while but I knew it for myself that he isn’t a fully pledged man, he acts like a stupid kid – he behaves like a petty kid sometimes.
Moving on! I bet what I’m saying right now won’t affect him, apparently when he come to read this epistle he might just say “Hell!! everything written isn’t true” Yeah! very predictable reaction.
Now, I come up with a very in depth decision not to get inflicted by any feelings he had brought to me way back. I’m entitled to treat him nice and in a civil way. I will very help myself to cast this butterfly feeling in myself and will embrace the reality that there would never be US, there was NO US actually from the very beginning. If it is in God’s will I will welcome it with my whole big heart and never question why He gave me such a person who was never worth my time.
If he is really fitted to stay with me, time will not be the one to make way. He would be the one to make way.
Letting go from this feeling. THE END